i created a monthly mail club to feel something…

if you’re reading this, i’m sure by now you’ve been seeing some ruckus happening here at lofi-ghosts (oh hey, new website who dis?) and the proper announcement of my ꩜monthly mail club꩜

I’m ngl, i was really nervous about launching this. i spent the entire month of april and now two weeks into may trying to set this thing up. i loved the idea of bite-sized designed stationery in every letter each month. i knew most of the mail clubs out there catered to artists and then i looked at my own art and thought, ‘who would want to sign up for this?’

comparison is a bitch honestly. the thing is, it’s nice to be inspired by other creatives out there but don’t be too inspired. because the more you dig into what other people are doing, how good their content or art is, the more you will start to doubt yourself. and doubt i did. doubt is what almost stopped me from launching this thing, even though i really had nothing to lose. i mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

the sketching or doodling process is really such a big part of the creative process. as someone who is very adhd and cannot sit down to work on anything for long periods of time, it’s a challenge to even finish a drawing. i tried to do fancier illustrations at some point in my career, but never finished anything intricate. so i just gave up trying to be fancy and started doodling little ghosts.

initially, i felt like my drawings weren’t good enough. i mean, just some blobby, derpy, and angy ghosts. it’s not a luxurious piece of art. but the more i posted my art online, the more positive reactions they’d get. and that’s the thing. you just never know. the voice in your head saying that your art isn’t good enough, that it’s blah compared to other artists. they’re all insecure lies. and yes, some people either online or in your own circle, may also tell you these same insecure lies. but part of opening up a creative journey is shutting out all of the naysayers (including and especially, yourself) and just doing whatever the fuck you want because first and foremost, it’s fun.

the first mini art print! for july mail club orders.

i’m going to keep it real here. i felt really depressed the past couple of months. 2026 just started so rough for me. i lost my job of 3 years and have been unemployed since march. i did the typical stuff that you’re supposed to do when you lose a job. re-do the resume. update the portfolio. scour linkedin for listings. apply. apply. apply. reach out to old co-workers to try and get a bite. but i felt dead inside. of course, it’s never fun trying to look for a job, but this was a different kind of dead inside. i mean, this is not my first rodeo. i’ve had multiple jobs over the years and been laid off 4x now. but this feeling was so much worse. it felt like an impending doom. because it’s one thing to deal with layoffs or losing a job and looking for a new one in a shitty job market. it’s another thing to look for a job in a shitty market and compete with the evolution of company’s using ai.

and i’m a graphic designer. so yeah. ggwp.

part of me launching this monthly mail club is to give myself a routine. some kind of push to get through every week. and running a mail club, although literally anyone can start one, it’s a lot of damn work. and i knew going into it that it would be a lot of work for maybe not a lot of payoff. but it didn’t matter. because it was something. i was really in a mental rut. i felt like i was nearly 40 but living like a 19 year old who could afford to doomscroll all day. it wasn’t healthy. but not having a job. having such a difficult time finding a new one. i just really didn’t know what else to do. so for the past two months, i’d wake up at 11am. only go outside to walk my dog. make journal videos because hey, that’s something. and ruminate about my multitude of planners and notebooks. i felt stuck. really really stuck this time.

ideas take time but they also sometimes just require spontaneity. i knew i wanted to make my own stationery someday. one of the things that inspired me about my own zine, lofi-ghosts, is that it made me want to create stationery for the zine. and that’s kind of initially how everything came together. at first, i thought that the mail club could be something related to my youtube channel, where i talk about planners and journals. but then i thought about how i wanted to incorporate my ghosties and that’s ultimately why i decided to make the monthly club based off of lofi-ghosts and not xoxolorae. but i think, this is just the beginning. i mean, we are talking about a highly adhd individual here. why can’t i make an xoxolorae one down the line? the possibilities are endless.

you can’t make a living off of some silly snail mail club or your dinky little art!"

the little voices in my head tell me this all the time. but the truth is, there are tons of artists doing exactly this. they are making a living off of their art in whatever form. and for me, i have to give it a fair shot. i don’t really have much of a choice. and i can’t go back to the corporate world. i mean, i can… but i just don’t feel that my heart wants to create and be creative for some ceo guy who wants to cut jobs to remain a millionaire anymore. my heart is not in it like it used to.

there was a point in my career where all i wanted to do was make it big. i saw myself as a creative director who could drive an expensive car and maybe own a chanel bag or two. i wanted to keep up with the joneses. i hustled so hard early on in my career. worked full-time 9-7s, had multiple side hustles, and did everything in my power to make as much money as i could. all it did was burn me out, gave me debt, and too much shit that i ended up throwing away eventually. those desires are long gone. although i would love a life of comfort of course, i don’t really desire the hustle like i used to. i desire peace. when i started having health complications in my late 20s and early 30s, i knew i had to slow down. i knew i was on the fast track to an early heart attack or worse. and even now, with my chronic illnesses and health issues, i often fear that i may just one day drop dead.

i know that’s a bit morbid, but all of this to say — i just want to do what my heart desires now. i don’t want to be a rat in the race anymore. i want to choose peace and i want to choose joy. and that’s exactly what i wanted to do with all these creative endeavors that i’m trying out. maybe i won’t be successful. maybe i can’t live off of this. but at the least, i won’t regret the decision to try and be happy doing it. even if i’m broke. at least i’m doing what i truly care about for once. and that is honestly, pretty priceless.

if you made it this far, thanks for being here and if you joined the mail club, thank you for supporting me <3 it truly does mean the world to me. and i hope it can bring inspiration or a little joy to your life every month.

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until next time,

xoxo, lo